>Unfortunately my daily checks on the home scales (now, strictly speaking you’re not meant to weigh yourself between meetings as it can fool you into a false sense of security/despair) have shown a slight creep in the wrong direction, so I’m going to do exactly the same as I did last week for the next few days in the hope I can turn things around. If I don’t, it’s okay because I know it’ll catch up one way or another, but it’s always worth a go.
I didn’t manage to turn things around. My body had decided to deliver the regular hormonal fluctuation despite my best efforts, and on Monday night Mr Scale announced a gain of a pound and a half. I was really hoping I’d nailed it this time, even though my home scale was telling me otherwise, I was hoping Mr Scale was going to be a bit more compassionate. After all, I had worked the plan that week. I went into damage limitation mode and cut out Syns, healthy extras and anything that would be remotely a) filling or b) nice. It didn’t work, and I really wasn’t pleased about it, but I resolved to make the best of the week ahead in the hope that like before, a bigger loss would be just around the corner, I’d still lose a stone a month, get my stickers, job’s a good ‘un. So off I went.
Unfortunately, my home scale was still not co-operating. I continued with the daily weigh-ins and nope, nothing, not an ounce gone. A couple of pounds on in the middle of the week, but still, nothing. This continued throughout the week until Friday morning, when I spent a good 10-15 minutes pleading with my home scale to show me a loss. When the number went up again, I sunk into my chair and sobbed. That morning, Michael (who at this point was just about ready to look up ‘OCD’ and ‘intervention’ on wikipedia) dropped me off at M&S where I stopped for a coffee before starting work. As I was sitting there sipping my much-needed espresso, I looked around at all the food on display – there was not one thing I felt I could eat.
Now, people who do this Food Optimising thing properly will tell you that no food is banned, and they’re quite right. It’s just obsessive numpties like me who daren’t have their daily allocation of syns or let loose every now and again and see the world outside of group as a big old banquet that they’re not allowed to eat at.
As I sat with my coffee I forced myself to take a good hard look at what’s going on. I’ve had phenomenal success so far, but I keep losing sight of that. There are times when all I can see is that bloody scale telling me that although I might have passed it a while back, I remain on the wrong side of 20 stone, and I’m not worth a dime until I get past that point and closer to my target. I remembered something I said to Michael some months back – “When I get to 20 stone, I’m having a week off.” I looked around again at the food on display in M&S and thought how nice it would be to just throw off the self-imposed shackles for a while, eat whatever I like, and then return to the plan to try again. So that’s what I’m doing. In a few weeks time, I’m taking a week off.
In the meantime, I’m really trying to loosen up on the plan and to stop being so fixated on my weight, because I’ve been forgetting everything else that’s happened while on plan. So, here’s a list to remind myself:
At my heaviest, I wore big, baggy tops in a size 42. Now, I’m a 24/26. At this exact moment I’m wearing size 28 jogging bottoms and it’s a look that screams:
Yeah. Baggy’s not a good look, I know, but it’s kinda nice to wear stuff that’s too big when I’ve spent years being too big. Hey, maybe I could get some help with this. Does anyone out there know Gok‘s phone number?
Energy and Flexibility
Last year, I was constantly lethargic, depressed, and couldn’t bear the thought of stepping outdoors. Now… well, I can’t exactly say I’m overflowing with energy, it is January after all… but I’m capable of so much more than I used to be. I walk to work every day to a job that isn’t exactly desk-bound. And there are certain other areas of life that have improved immensely, but this is still a family site so I won’t go into that. 😉
Moods and Confidence
Generally speaking, at the right time of month (damn hormones) yes, my moods are better balanced and I’m generally happier. I’ve never been a shrinking violet as such, but I do (most of the time) feel a lot easier in my own skin.
I don’t know what to expect from Mr Scale tomorrow night. I have loosened up a lot more on how I do the plan (in other words I’m trying to do it properly without all this deprivation nonsense) so there may be another gain – but at least this week I can honestly say I’ve enjoyed my food. And my target for next week? To continue enjoying the plan, making the most of the free food, the speed food, the healthy extras and Syns, and let the pounds fall off where they may. It’s tough right now, but the journey continues…