PigPog

“Do something funny for money”, they said. And being a keen supporter of Comic Relief, and having a particular fondness for being silly, I had to oblige. So I got together with the lovely Katrina and we arranged a few special Red Nose Day treats at Tiverton’s Slimming World meetings.

And of course, I had to raid the dressing-up box again. Well, something funny was going on at Slimming World, and someone had to go in and investigate.

So, ably assisted by DI Drake, a raid took place on the 5pm group in the hope of finding out why people go to these meetings and gradually disappear, and to raise a bit of cash for Red Nose Day.

Of course, we know why people who go to these meetings gradually disappear. I’ve been gradually disappearing myself for a while now (let’s just gloss over those bits that reappeared…). As for the cash, we raised over £200.

Big thanks to everyone who helped made this a success – particularly Annabel, who came over from Dorset to play DI Drake and cover The Guv’s lines when my voice, like the people at the meeting, gradually disappeared. Damn lurgy.

Meanwhile, on the subject of DCI Hunt, the wonderful Philip Glenister did a fine old job of bringing the funny for the money on Red Nose Day. Check out his fine turn as Pierce Brosnan in French & Saunders’ parody of Mamma Mia.

Part One – the National Television Awards

This was my big treat after the house was sold. A trip to the Big Smoke to meet some of my fellow rrrumpettes from Luigi’s, the place I while away many an evening squeeing over the brilliance of the TV show Ashes to Ashes and the charms of the insanely talented and really rather attractive actor Philip Glenister.

I travelled down to London on Wednesday morning, and met some of the girls at Paddington Station. We went off for lunch at the posh hotel I was staying in, where many a giggle was had at the expense of the poncy menu. “Noisettes of lamb with drizzle of jus? Bugger that, bring us fishcakes and chips!” And any excuse to throw in lines from the show – “LUIGI! Another bottle of your house rubbish! Grassy-arse!”

After lunch we headed over to the Royal Albert Hall, a mere two minute walk from my hotel. And that’s where I met the rest of the girls, and took up residence at our spot near the red carpet.

The Luigi’s Ladies are known by their trademark red balloons, each decorated with lines from the show. We are also known by our beverage of choice. As shown here by the lovely Gem:

It was a cold night, and it was recommended we all wrapped up warm, in lots of layers with a nice warm woolly coat on top. I swear this was the only outfit I could think of that was appropriate:

However, as the evening went on my bottle gradually went, so the tie and leather gloves were quickly dispensed with, and I went for my equally eccentric ATV t-shirt.

As darkness fell over the Royal Albert Hall and was replaced by the warming beam of the floodlights, the crowds built up with members of the public lucky enough to have tickets, and as time went on, the celebrities began to file in.

Fun as it was shouting for Ant & Dec, Babs Windsor and Paul O’Grady, we were there for one celeb and one celeb only, and after about an hour he arrived.

If you’re wondering how I reacted on seeing him “in the flesh” for the first time, I did stand there for a while, muttering “Ohmygodohmygodohmygod” over and over, calming down just before heading into “OMGOMGOMG!!!!111!!PONIEZ!!”. Just.

At this point I would like to offer a big bucket o’wispas and thanks to the wonderful neonsox, who told me to get in front of her because I hadn’t been before and I needed to get his autograph. So I was right at the barrier when he came over. I decided to get some snaps, and then hopefully an autograph. Snaps I managed, but he was being dragged away by his coat-tails after signing for the others, and having the obligatory kiss with genesgeni.

To which I responded “That’s three times now! You greedy bugger!”

We decided to wait it out through the show and see if we could catch him again on the way out. While the gongs were being handed out inside the Royal Albert Hall, we took a walk back to my hotel in time to see the Legend that is The Stig accept the award for best Factual programme on behalf of his minions.

Back at the barrier we waited on news of Philip’s category, Best Drama Performance. He didn’t win, losing out to David (insert expletive here) Tennant. It made us more determined to stay put and catch him again, to remind him that “a sizeable rump of intelligent women” still think he’s the best thing since sliced Bollinger.

In spite of aches and extreme cold I stayed with the girls and waited it out. It was worth it. When we spotted Philip’s wife, the adorable Beth Goddard, we called over and I managed to speak to her. I had with me the issue of Slimming World magazine I was featured in back in the summer, when we had our own special Man of the Year Party and I went dressed as Gene Hunt. Since Philip had headed straight off for the bar, I thought I’d ask Beth to sign it anyway, as it would still be a very nice motivational tool for the future. She read the little article that mentioned my 10 stone weight loss, looked over her should for Philip, and called him over.

“Have you got my wife?” He said as he approached us. Now, you’ll have to excuse me at this point. I can’t quite recall the actual words as I was just experiencing a massive squee overload, and when that sense is overloaded, other things get overlooked like hearing, and memory. I think Beth explained what the magazine piece was about, and then he signed. All I can remember is saying “Thank You” over and over and over and now, in hindsight, I’m somewhat concerned I sounded like Perry, friend of Kevin the Teenager… “Fank yoo Mister Glenister, I really like you on the telly…”

Having got exactly what I wanted, I didn’t see the point in hanging around on the off-chance I might catch another glimpse of Simon Cowell (surprisingly, quite a nice bloke). I floated on my squee cloud back to my hotel, and proceeded to empty the mini-bar until I got to sleep.

Coming up in Part Two – the Luigi’s Ladies tour Ashes to Ashes locations and indulge in a couple of re-enactments.

In the interests of keeping all my Slimming World ramblings in one place, I’ve started a new blog…

A Sizeable Rump! – Thoughts from a Slimmer’s World

… where I hope writing about my adventures regularly will help me stay on the wagon.

Just regular blog posts for now, but when I’m brave enough I’ll start doing video content so you can all see just how sizeable that rump of mine is, or hopefully, isn’t.

OK, so it’s not usually me posting about Slimming World, but I was the photographer for this event in Plymouth.  I’ll put together a bit more of a post about it later, but if you want to see the photos from the event, they’re on Flickr.

My Slimming World Consultant, Katrina, kicking off the first of the three Slimming World meetings she does in Tiverton on a Thursday. The woman’s a star, and deserves every accolade the company have available. She does Margaret Miles Bramwell proud!

So, things had slowed down on the slimming front. It was inevitable, really. A continuous run of a stone a month only happens to people when they’re sick or named Kevin (sorry, group in-joke there). On Katrina’s advice I became an interim target member a few weeks ago which really took the pressure off me for a while. And since then, with only one exception, things have improved. Last night I celebrated my first two-week consecutive run of weight loss, and for the first time in months, brought home the fruit basket as the Slimmer of the Week.

And as if that wasn’t enough of a boost, my friends in my new group voted me their Woman of the Year last night. For the second year running! Last year I was at Frankie’s group, and I have to say that if anything winning this year means more to me. I feel inspired to keep on going, and it’s just the boost I needed. Thanks everyone!

Congratulations to Tiverton’s other Women of the Year – Su Bowler, Sue Prior, Vicky Bellamy and Carol Hawkins. All well deserved – best of luck in the district final Vicky!

This bit of brain fluff was created a few weeks ago during our downtime… er… enjoy…

(INT – DAY – SAM approaches Slimming World scales)

SAM – My name is Sam Randall. I’ve just eaten a pizza and that slice of pepperoni has taken me back to over 18 stone. I may be four stone away from target, or four stone away from the cardiac unit. All I know is I have to keep fighting. Fight to live, fight to get in a size 16, fight to get slim.

“Venetian Blind” cut to BOB (black Honda CRV) turning sharply in St John’s School Car Park, driven by DCI PIGPOGM.

Various shots of SAM from lardy pre-SW wedding photo to Greatest Loser pics, drinking wine and then grimacing on the scales. Caption “Sam Randall”.

Cut to more aggressive driving shots of DCI PIGPOGM, caption “Michael Randall”.

Grinning bouncing, pointing and clapping from DCI BARKER, caption “Katrina Barker”.

Crowd shot of the Thursday 5pm group “Slimming World”

Shot of the “Sizeable Rump” thread, caption “The Rrrrrrrrumpettes at Luigi’s”

Finish on shot of SAM getting ‘er arse stamped as a new and bizarre way of inducting target members.

DCI PIGPOGM – “Right then, Tesco-Cheap-Chardonnay-Knickers, what’s for tea?”

Life is a bit of an assault on the senses for us at the moment.  Our house sale is rattling on nicely, but is at that stage where it could all go pear-shaped any minute.  I’ve got a job interview coming up and at the moment I’m working in probably the least mellow working environment there is – I sit in a big room with lots of other people, we all wear headsets and talk a lot.  Yeah.  That kind of job.  Needless to say, I’ve been comfort eating.  Until recently it’s been little bits here and there building up into one huge guilt-inducing binge.  It has, of course, caused my weight to fluctuate an awful lot and hasn’t done me any good at all.  Which then, of course, brought me down and led to even more comfort eating.

Yesterday I decided to beat this – not by being strong and having a nice salad with a low fat yogurt for pudding, but by seriously comfort eating.  Michael and I bought pizza, garlic bread, wine and ice-cream, dedicated the evening to a certain crappy housing association for screwing us about and having a severe lack of cross-department communication, fired up Episode 3 of Ashes to Ashes and indulged our way through a fine old evening.  And yes, I did eat the entire tub of triple chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and enjoyed every last bite.  I went to bed, happy, slightly tipsy and comforted, and although it’s weigh-in day today, I don’t feel remotely guilty.

So there’s my insight for today.  If you’re going to comfort eat, do it properly, enjoy yourself, and most importantly, don’t feel guilty about it.

Right, off to magic headset land for another day as a mystic phone pixie.

*Looks around*

Cor. What pigpogm lacks in real world decorating skills he more than makes up for around these parts. I am loving this new layout, and it’s really nice to be back with WordPress. In making the decision as to where to take the site next, Michael contemplated many different options, but I’m glad he chose this one.

So, time for a catch-up…

Work

Gah. My least favourite four-letter word. My quest to find exciting, fulfilling employment continues, and although I have found what I think will be my ideal job, it’s going to be a little while before I can go for it. In the meantime, I needed to get out of the job I had for personal reasons. We all have our dark times, moments in our lives that we really don’t need to be reminded of. The job I had reminded me of some personal bad times all the time. It didn’t make sense to stay. I am very grateful to Carol, my line manager, and Ann, my co-worker, for their understanding and support, and I will miss them. Tomorrow, I return to the job I had before – phone numpty. Oh dear. At least it’s only temporary.

Slimming World

This has not been going well. My motivation has been way off, and I’ve been more interested in eating chocolate and drinking wine than sticking to plan and losing weight. Fortunately, the wonderful Katrina gave me a few suggestions on how to get through this and on Thursday I became a Target Member. I have been acting as if I’ve been at target for a long time, this just makes it official, but it is only temporary. At Slimming World you have your final target, and two or three interim targets. I didn’t know when I passed my first interim target back in December that I could do this, take a breather, and go back to it when I was ready. Had I known that I may have saved myself a fair amount of hassle. So I’m now having some time to sit back and enjoy the fact that I am still over 130lb lighter than when I started, and gently taking myself back to plan. I’m hoping that moving back to my old job will help with this, the ability to switch off at the end of a day should help me to calm down a bit. The journey, as ever, continues…!

Other stuff

I’m looking forward to September. So many great things happening:

• I’m going to help out with some promotion stuff for Slimming World.

• It’s been a long time coming, but they’ve finally cracked it:

Metallica’s first album with Rob on bass.  From the footage on Mission Metallica it sounds like the boys are in fine fettle and Mr Hetfield is as gloriously growly as ever.  Can’t wait to hear it! \m/

• And there’s a slight possibility of some worthwhile telly again as Team Glenister begin their squee training in preparation for The Last Van Helsing, due in ‘Autumn’.  Unfortunately ITV seem more keen on announcing when the new series of X-Factor starts than telling us any more information than that.

• While we’re talking about Mr Glenister, we’re all excited over at Luigi’s because in September, filming starts on series 2 of Ashes to Ashes.  Hopefully Deano will keep us updated on that lovely blog of his.

Alright, that’s enough blether from me for now.  Off for a walk across town now to see Senorita Kat Hootas give it the (flugal) ‘orn at West Exe Park.  Rock, and indeed, roll.

Inspired by this post from Chris Brogan today, I want to take a moment to give much love and gratitude to the people who are helping me through this. As you may have gathered from the lack of posts about my journey recently, things aren’t going so well, but I’m fortunate enough to have people to reach out to for help.

Michael

Well who else could I kick this off with but my husband, best friend, soulmate, walking companion, drinking buddy and just about the best partner I could ever have hoped for. He rides out the highs, lows, hikes and binges with me without a word of criticism, judging, nagging or taking this piss. He is a star. It’s just difficult sometimes watching him eat some things that look jolly tasty but would cost me a month’s syns.

Katrina

This wonderful woman’s passion and knowledge of Food Optimising, combined with patience and genuine interest in the weight loss adventures of each and every one of her members makes her the perfect Consultant. Sometimes I feel bad for being such a pain in the arse, but she is helping me through this tough time and I believe that if I keep going to group and getting that all-important IMAGE Therapy, together we really can do it.

Frankie

Frankie was my Consultant at the start of my journey. Her warm, friendly, patient and gentle approach to Slimming World was just the introduction I needed. It was a pleasure to cross the finish line with her at the Race for Life on Sunday.

Every Slimming World Member I’ve Met

There’s a sign outside the group that reads there are no strangers here, just friends you haven’t met yet – and you really get a sense of that at Slimming World. There are a few people who I have developed good friendships with, but everyone is a positive role model for me there one way or another. Big grateful hugs to you all!

The Rrrrrrumpettes!

Since developing a bad case of the Squees for Gene Hunt, I’ve spent a fair amount of time on Luigi’s, a community for fans of Ashes to Ashes. Once I got chatting to some of the other girls there it seemed a good idea to set up a thread for other slimmers. The friendship and support offered by the people in that thread means a great deal to me and it’s another great example of how good old squee can bring people together. It’s all thanks to Phil Glenister and that ruddy big overcoat! Much love to neonsox, Tasha, ihateclowns, sparklydocs and the rest of the gang.

Complete Strangers

Finally, I have to say what a boost it is when someone I’ve never met before leaves a comment letting me know how they’re doing at Slimming World. It’s nice to know other folks are out there, and it’s particularly nice to know that all this blether is helping some folks.

Thanks to everyone in my support team. I may be a bit stuck at the moment, but with your help I’ll get through it.

So, at somewhere in the region of 140lbs lighter than when I started, the journey continues…!