Oh Squeevana, the place where those of us who squee want to be! Itâ€™s a place where you are floating on a cloud of perfect serenity; brought on by the afterglow of a squee so massive it propelled you into ecstasy with your guitar boy in towâ€¦ahhhhhâ€¦
Itâ€™s not so hard to get there. Practice of course makes it easier to reach. You see, over the years as Jimmy got hotter and hotter and I fell more and more susceptible to his innumerable charms, it just got easier to reach moments where he got me so excited and delirious I felt myself separating from earth and traveling away to Jimmy heaven. You can do it too! Come on â€“ grab anything about the man you find brings on the biggest squee for you and letâ€™s take a journey. You all know who Iâ€™m taking. I do apologize for going on and on about Pagey, but, what can I say? That gorgeous man has owned me since the 70â€™s and no one trips my trigger like he does. So once again, if Le Sex doesnâ€™t do it for you, remove him in my lesson and insert your hottie where necessary.
My first Squeevana moment happened after I saw a picture of Jimmy in a fan magazine a long time ago. I canâ€™t recall exactly which it was, but something like this:
I know it would have been something like this because any pic of his chest dripping hot makes me wild. As soon as I saw it I felt this flash of heat go through me and I let out this massive squeal. It was totally involuntary, my mouth just fell open and out it came! This pic is such a massive hit of Pagey Doll yumminess, it just whooshed my brain off to a lovely placeâ€¦Has that ever happened to you? Thatâ€™s Squeevana! Stealth squee is the best for whisking you away there. Itâ€™s that unexpected surprise that overwhelms you and makes it easier for you to let go. If your babe does that for you Squeevana is easily in your grasp! Jimmyâ€™s good at that, causing me to let go. I just canâ€™t keep it together under the force of a Jimmy sneak attack – like browsing a magazine and coming across a new pic of him, or he happens to be on TV. Oh when he appeared to pick up his UK Hall of Fame award late last year he nearly killed me with all his gorgeousness â€“ that sexy sexy silver hair!!! Ahhhh!!! OMG HEâ€™S HOTTER THAN THE SUN! Surprises like that are guaranteed to send me off.
One night several years ago while I was learning to use the internet, I landed on this site about Zeppelin that I started to read. I didnâ€™t know it, but it had a sound bite of Jimmy talking in it. All of the sudden his voice comes on and he says something like â€˜itâ€™s time to get the Led out.â€™ Waaahhhh!!! That darling sweet as honey voice just made me completely lose it. Nutso. Gone. His voice went straight to my â€˜onâ€™ switch and BANG! I found myself in Squeevana.
It kind of works like this:
- The squee hit – any contact with your Squee creator, sight or sound.
- Massive squee bomb goes off
- A halo of glorious light appears and angels start singing the Hallelujah Chorus.
- Go with that feeling and enter Squeevana.
You have to be familiar with what trips your trigger with your guitar babe to get you to Squeevana without the element of surprise. Itâ€™s all down to your senses reallyâ€¦we tend to get stuck on pictures because, well, they are very, very yummy, but donâ€™t forget the music. Oh â€¦put a guitar in the gorgeous hands of Le Sex and the sounds he can coax out of it will send me to Squeenvana so fast itâ€™s scary. I have to be very careful what I am doing listening to him play. Example: taking my daughter to the airport one day I was listening to Zepâ€™s Remasters cd. I was driving into the car park listening to the solo from Stairway. Yes, Iâ€™ve heard it about 5 million times, but, itâ€™s JIMMY PAGE and itâ€™s just so fabulous, and that above pic popped into my head and wellâ€¦I arrived back from Squeevana with my daughter looking at me saying, â€œDidnâ€™t you hear me? I kept saying youâ€™re going the wrong way! Hello! Earth to mom!â€ Sadly I had driven into the rental only car park and now had to pay 14 Euros to get out. For a trip to Squeevana with Pagey, it was cheap! You can induce your own Squeevana moments by going back to those things that produced it the first time. Oh watching any Zep dvds is deadly for meâ€¦they never fail to bring me there. Or listening to certain bits of his playing that also find their way directly to the aforementioned â€˜onâ€™ switchâ€¦
So there you have it, Squeevana. That blissful place of deliriously good feeling that blocks out everything except how much pleasure you get from your guitar babe. Itâ€™s great! Find something that gets you there, and just let the squee rip! It makes life happier for me to know that no matter what may be happening in my world, just one smile, one sentence, one little piece of playing, practically ANYTHING from the delicious Mr Page and I can be instantly and insanely happy. Who needs drugs, alcohol or any other substitutes? Not we who have mastered the art of squee! Woooo!!!! Now if you’ll excuse me…the Jimmy squee bomb is about to go off…bye!