I have no idea what’s going on. Just when I thought I was nearing the end of the beginning and I would soon be moved to the hospital that would perform the op that would help me change my life for good, the powers that be start playing chop cup with the goalposts. From my point of view, it appears that now we are at the point where decisions have to be made that involve money, the powers that be are deliberately slowing things down. That’s probably an unfair assumption, but that’s how it looks.
If I sit around and wait for them to get their proverbial fingers out of whatever metaphoric hole they have them stuck in, I’m likely to do myself more harm than good. So while they do whatever it is they need to do, I’m chugging away as best I can without them.
I’ve joined the gym. I was referred via the physiotherapist onto the “Active Start” scheme where sick, frail or chronically unfit people are gently introduced to fitness with the guidance of a qualified instructor. I had an assessment and an induction where a simple workout was put together for me.
The first few visits were tough, but the more I go, the more hooked I get. It’s true what they say about exercise lifting the mood. I always feel better after a gym session. I may get some funny looks at this early stage, but the fact that I’m there giving it my best and working up a deeply satisfying sweat makes my balls considerably bigger than any staring numpty’s.
I’m still struggling with making ‘good’ food choices. But I feel like whatever errors of judgement I make there, I’m sorting out with exercise. I’m losing weight again after a lengthy plateau and I can feel my body changing. Getting out and about is easier, and more fun.
Now I need to figure out what to do if the powers that be decide not to give me the surgery. I can do this on my own, probably. But it’s hard. For now I will take it one day at a time. I will go to the gym three times a week, and go to a weekly meditation class there too. I’ll keep my calorie intake down as much as I’m comfortable with and do my best to keep at it.
I hope they reach a decision soon, though. And I hope it’s a yes.
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