Today I’m going to indulge myself. Today, I’m going to let myself dream about what life will be like post-op, when my body is more energised and efficient on space. When I’ll be free to do more and shop in places that only allow one “X” next to their large (not you, Abercrombie and Fitch, you lot can sod off). When I can travel, walk, sail and climb… What will I do with my days when I have so many more options open to me? Well, I’ll start by going through this:

Sam’s Post Operative Wish List

  • Get a flight up to Newcastle-upon-Tyne to meet up with my glorious Northern friends and family. Including the sister I have yet to meet.
  • Have a relaxing soak in the Roman Baths at Bath.
  • Finally get myself a North Face coat.
  • See Slash and Metallica in concert.
  • Get a job as a Healthcare Assistant at one of the hospitals.
  • Do the Big Dream Holiday – New York City and Chicago.
  • Meet Anthony & Ottavia Bourdain.
  • Meet the Hairy Bikers again.
  • Go to Big Gay Ice Cream… And order coffee.
  • Go to the Eden Project.
  • Go on long, scenic walks with Michael.
  • Visit France, Germany and Barcelona.
  • Enjoy a long, hot bath.
  • Go back to my Boxfit class and NOT be the big sack of awkward at the back.
  • Swim!
  • Ride a horse.
  • Ride a motorbike.
  • Ride my husband.
  • Hire a day boat and go rowing up the Grand Western Canal.
  • Use public transport without feeling embarrassed.
  • Run a 5k.

The cynic in me sees dreams a waste of mental energy, and a guaranteed way of putting the kibosh on anything I hope to achieve. But the fluffier, more positive side of me knows that dreams can evolve into ambitions, into goals and then into actual experiences.

This operation will give me a chance to do so many things I never thought would be possible. And I’m going to make damn sure that a) I do the best I can to be as healthy as I can and b) I make the most of the opportunities open to me when I get there and finally c) I do what I can to help others on the same journey.

I’m really excited. I know there are going to be some tough times up ahead – especially when I have to do the pre-op diet and would rather chew off my own hand than have another salad. But when that happens, I shall just look back on this list and remind myself why I’m putting myself through it.